Everyone is entitled to have a case of the Mondays at some point, right?
Well today is mine.
Actually, last night truly began my fantastic start to this morning. You know how there is a moment where you lie awake in bed, wishing that you could fall asleep because you’re consciously aware of how early you have to get up the following morning? I’m always amazed by how this seems to happen every Sunday night to me (or at least it seems like it does), and how – no matter how much I try to turn my brain off and relax – I never can fall asleep at a reasonable hour.
So I stayed awake, numbing my mind with the newest episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and the last half of the movie “Bride Wars,” in sincere hope that those things would help lull me off to sleep. I had no such luck.
And when I settled myself onto my pillow, all I wanted to do was cry myself to sleep and have someone hold me. And yes, maybe that sounds pathetic (and maybe it is), but I didn’t care. I wanted arms to hold me and rock me and sing me lullabies.
I went to summer camp when I was in middle school, up in Pennsylvania. It was this awesome camp called Victory Valley (I actually just had to Google this place because I have so many memories of it). One night, we literally camped out. For the entire week we stayed in these cute little cabins, but on this particular night, our counselors took us out into these huge pavilion like structures that were high off the ground and we all camped out together (all of the girls, at least).
And I so clearly remember all of us clutching onto our glowsticks, sprawled out on our sleeping bags just listening to the sounds of the woods. Most of us couldn’t fall asleep, of course – for one thing, we were middle-school children who were wired to stay awake for as long as possible. But I think we were all just a little bit scared – scared that we were open and vulnerable, and if we all fell asleep then a bear could come and attack us (or worse: that the boys’ cabins could come and throw water balloons at us in our sleep).
So one of the counselors sang to us, very quietly, until we all lulled off to sleep. I can’t remember what she sang, but all I know is that it was comforting – falling asleep to the sound of someone’s voice, someone who was going to watch over you.
Maybe that’s why I associate singing someone to sleep with security and safety and peace. Who knows. All I know is that last night I wanted someone there to sing me something sweet.
And so far, this blog post has been less than philosophical. I apologize for that, because I really do want to write something substantial and poignant for people to read (or, because no one probably reads this anyway, for myself to go back and read when I need to).
But all of us have days where we would rather stay in bed, under our covers than face the world. And today is one of those days for me. I’m tired, stuff at work is broken that needs to be fixed because we have a deadline tomorrow, and I’m just mentally unprepared for it all. And I really need to try to be positive – to let others see that what gets them down won’t take me down as well. That I’m stronger than that. Like what Isaac talked about yesterday afternoon in his message: there is hope because my hope is not determined by things on this earth.
Days like today, that’s easier said than done.
But here’s to trusting. Here’s to believing that there are plans out there that I am only a tiny part of. Here’s to knowing that today is just one day, and that I can get through it. Here’s to not putting so much pressure on myself to be perfect, or to look perfect, or to act perfect all of the time. To just being the best possible version of myself that I can be and letting God fill in the gaps.
Here’s to a case of the Mondays.
At least there will always be Tuesday.
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